World Divided

You have my father to thank for this one… or actually the creator of it. But, it’s his fault that I have it! You MUST enlarge it to see the writing, although it is a little, um, off target.

Conflicted

I have run across some very funny political jokes lately. Not necessarily pertaining to the upcoming Presidential elections… things like US corporations moving overseas, border patrol, workforce, etc.

Now, I see both sides of many of these issues. I’m laid back and roll with the punches. The biggest problems is – I don’t wan’t to alienate a large group of people for telling off color jokes regarding these. or any other, topics.

Why is it okay for me to make fun of women? Duh, I am one. Homosexuals? Again, am one. Southerners? Ditto. But when it comes to some edgy things, I tend to shy away from them.

I am personally taking away my 1st amendment rights – the right to free speech. I’m too sensitive, some might say. I’m a coward, perhaps. But, mostly, I think the world is an ugly enough place as it is right now… I don’t need to add anything to the recipe.

Send me a note if I’ve offended you in the past. We can talk about it or I can just apologize. I can tell you that I’ve passed up many “jokes” that have literally left people rofl. I read them and it comes across as commentary – sometimes positive, sometimes negative.

In the next 24-hours or so, I have a joke coming out about the American workforce. Having been part of one group mentioned in the joke, I’m okay with it. It does ring of commentary too. So, be looking for “The Proverbial Creek…” and think of this post. Realize that is the “cleanest” of these “political jokes”. *shrug*

Lessons Learned

First-year students at Texas A&M’s Vet school were receiving their first anatomy class, with a real dead cow. They all gathered around the 
surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.

The professor started the class by telling them, “In Veterinary Medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor: The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the animal body.” For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the dead cow, withdrew it and stuck it in his mouth.

“Go ahead and do the same thing,” he told his students.

The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes. But eventually took turns sticking a finger in the anal opening of the dead cow and sucking on it.

When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said, ”The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my
 middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention. Life’s tough, it’s even tougher if you’re stupid.”

Yesterday I was sick…

Today I’m sick AND tired!    C’mon, doesn’t that at least deserve a laugh??

You know how you just lay around when you get really sick and it makes you really sore? CHECK

You know how by just laying around when you’re sick it messes up your sleep patterns? CHECK

You know how you become someone else completely when you are sick? CHECK

Why can’t they just be sick for you? hehe hehe hehe Yes, I made that up myself… it was pitiful enough, wasn’t it?

Here’s how sick I am… I just got to watch the finish of the US Amazing Race… Yep, it made me cry. OMG I admitted it out loud. Further evidence to my illness.

 Honestly though, they were really my favorite team from about the 3rd episode. I love their relationship and they seem like really treat people. I think you do get to see the “real person” on a show like that.

Reason being? My love and I did several countries (4?) in a week or so… Well, we are more like Nate and Jen when we travel like that. She wouldn’t like me saying that, but it’s true. Although we have genuinely had many good times traveling across the globe. We are really lucky to have each other.

I liked all three of the finishing teams. None-the-less, wtg to TK and Rachel!

Biker Wish

HARLEY MAN’S WISH

A man riding his Harley was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, “Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.”

The biker pulled over and said, “Build a bridge to Hawii, so I can ride over anytime I want.”

The Lord said, “Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind.”

The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, “Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand our wives; I want to know how she feels inside, what she’s thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing’s wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy” .

The Lord replied, “You want two lanes or four on that bridge?”