Fallen Angels

Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car, advertising, “Two Prostitutes — $50.00.”

A policeman, after seeing the sign, stopped the women and told them to remove the sign or he would be forced to take them to jail.

As soon as the officer finished speaking, another car passed with a sign on top. This sign said, “JESUS SAVES.”

Angered by the lack of action on the part of the officer, one of the girls asked, “How come you don’t stop them?!”

“Well, that’s a little different,” the officer smiled. “Their sign pertains to religion.”

So the two prostitutes frowned as they took their sign down and drove away.

The following day, the police officer, noticed the two women again… driving around in the same area, large sign and all. Figuring he had an easy arrest, he began to catch up with them when he noticed that their sign was new, and now read, “Two Fallen Angels Seeking Peter — $50.00.”

Deer meat…

A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner.

Both he and his wife decide that they won’t tell the kids what kind of meat it is but will give them a clue and let them guess.

Of course, as kids are, the children were eager to know what the meat was on their plates, so they begged their dad for the clue.

“Well,” he said, “It’s what mommy calls me sometimes.”

Immediately the little girl screams to her brother, “Don’t eat it, it’s an asshole!”

Fireman’s revenge

This is one of the best photos I’ve seen in years! I bet he won’t think he is above the law next time
I’ve got one thing to say to the Firefighter who did this .. . . . . . .GOOD JOB!

Psst… click on it.

Finally home…

I was all prepared to update everyone… but, my email to my mom didn’t “save”. I never thought we would get home (mini-update in a sec). When I arrived in Cebu, I sent my mom the details of our travels. Needless to say, the process was incredibly long – since it covered two days.

I thought I would cheat on my blog and just copy the email I sent her… Umm, no dice! It sucks when my emails don’t save in my outbox. Oh well. Here is the, likely confusing, super brief version.

After reading this, I hope my dearest friends can understand why I haven’t made contact in the last 12 hours. *pretty please*

*-* get to the airport early in the morning on the 26th & find out that the flight has been cancelled… note: the frigging airline didn’t call to notify us – even though we are like platinum x 50
*-* the asshole tried to say that it would be DAYS, I told him I was just moving on down to the next airline… amazing how things can change
*-* he puts us in a TAXI to shuttle us to Cincinnati, where we can catch a flight – there isn’t much time, but we “should” be okay
*-* NOPE! get to Cinci & immediately after presenting to the counter, we gave them our names and they told us the flight was cancelled (second one so far) BUT they did send us down the line to Delta, where we could catch a flight that left 15 min. earlier
*-* due to changing airlines we were marked “ssss” (WTF?!? super sensitive secret screening? maybe you have a better guess) it took us 30 min to clear, after they removed ALL of our stuff from our bags, “puffed” with air, etc.
*-* damn near missed that plane, only to find out that the Detroit airport had been closed most of the morning, so we had to sit in the plane for years instead
*-* got to Detroit 45 min. late – enough time to run from one terminal to the other, through the rainbow tunnel (*yayyy*) and make the plane
** did I mention that because of all of our ticket crap, we were no longer seated together? not even on the same FLOOR!!! my rude-ass-self got that shit taken care of before boarding in Detroit – with a quickness!
*-* again, remember we are in Detroit and they are backed up worse than a constipated granny, so we sit on the plane AGAIN
*-* originally, in Tokyo, we had 1 hour to disembark, clear security screening (dumb Tokyo thing), and get to our next flight – well, the 45 minutes that we were late sure didn’t help our cause
*-*FINALLY we made it to Manila (didn’t fly through Hong Kong this time…) good right? ummm NO! I started my chrono on my watch and it took exactly 1 hour to clear immigration.

The only really good thing was “the end”. Not because it was over, but because it had a sweet ending. My lovely, amazing woman had a great surprise for me. *smiles* We flew through Manila to stay at a special hotel.

A “limousine” (Mercedes Sedan in SE Asia) picked us up, and when we arrived, we had the most spectacular room! Kind of a suite, but limited to a single room. Even better, there were flowers, fresh fruit, and an ice-cold bottle of Coke, with an amazing note – all for me. *swoon*

We slept in Friday morning. Had a great breakfast & chilled out for a while. Believe me, we deserved it. But, we got into Cebu late in the day, only to crash from all of the insanity.

Please remember, this is the ULTRA-BRIEF version. It was all actually much more traumatic than it sounds.

Now, I’m going back to bed!

Fantasy Christmas

It must have been due to my hectic schedule while I was back in the States for the holiday; but, I would * _SWEAR_ * I heard these ornaments talking one night. Imagine my surprise…

Psst… click on it.

 

Santa didn’t give me my two front teeth…

So, for Christmas I got a very, ummm, interesting gift. Santa sure as hell didn’t give me my “two front teeth”. Instead, he gave me this:

Worth Saying…

Well, I haven’t said it in a while… so, my Christmas gift to you all is a WARNING:

My jokes may be offensive to some. If you are easily offended, please skip this post and enjoy the rest of my site.

Also, if the pictures on my blog are small, that means you can click on them and make them LARGE! I wouldn’t waste my time, or yours, putting something you can hardly see on here. Think about it people… *ahem*

 So, expect links, thumbnail pictures, humor, drama, “Rated R” (or thereabout)…. A little for everyone!

Happy Holidays!

And…

Oh jokes…

As you can tell, I love jokes!!! Pictures, comics, poems, prose, you name it. As long as it’s funny, I’m all over it.

You can’t look at this site for 2 days in a row and not see something funny. At least, I hope not. We’ll see how it goes. I have a little material saved up for my journey to the other side of the globe.

Quotes are good too! Here’s “one for the road:

Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass…It’s about learning to dance in the rain.

Santa’s Antidote

Moms, Dads, Boys, and Girls…

As you prepare to leave your milk and cookies, remember this note from Timmy.

Children, I hope Timmy was making this up, so you can get your gifts from Santa.

Moms & Dads, I hope your child(ren) is not bad like Timmy. If so, you might want to change the milk and cookies before “Santa” comes to leave some gifts.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a poison free night!

Going, going, going…. gone!

Well, it’s almost that time again. Time for me to do the trip 1/2 way around the world… again. *sign* Although it will be a good thing to be back in Cebu, the trip is just not the most fun journey in the world.

For the time that I am gone, I will fill out my blog with some jokes and whatnot. It would be a pity for you to stop in and have nothing new – nothing worth looking at. Guess if you have stuck around this long, you must have found something interesting here.

 Oh, and thanks to all for the warm wishes for me and my mother. (If I haven’t already said so.) She is well, and we both survived. haha

*Hugs to all*